Friday, February 4, 2011

Looking Back

We met over 31 years ago, right after I first came to Texas. I was 18 and she was a bit younger. And we stayed friends for years. She stood up for me when I married Pebbles' dad. I was her matron of honor in a hideous purple hooped thing, six weeks after giving birth to Pebbles. Suffice it to say, we've been through a lot together. And while my character defects/addictions were legal, hers led her to some difficult ends. It was through those times that I pulled back and we lost touch.

She dropped in on me when I still lived at Reata South - oh, say about six years ago. The exchange left me feeling bad about myself for some reason and so I never contacted her again. About a year or so ago, I ran into her dad at Central Market and we had a nice chat. She is in recovery, he said. Doing well. Being successful. He gave me her email address, but, again, I never contacted her. Well, two weeks ago, she pops up asking to friend me on FB and tonight we are going to dinner. I am really looking forward to catching up.

I know that my reluctance had more to do with wanting to leave my past behind me than it did about my feelings for her. I love her and always will. I certainly don't want to return to any of those behaviors that seemed at their worst during the time in my life when I was closest to her, but I'm unlikely to take a header off of the deep-end these days. I am not that person anymore - except that I really am. Those old parts are still a part of the fabric of who I am today. And perhaps I've made a little more peace with myself and forgiven myself for the myriad of mistakes I made.

She knows where all the bodies are buried. All of them. And so do I and I no longer flinch in pain/embarrassment/shame (much) when I think about it. It should be an interesting evening.

And in my real-life version of Ground Hog Day, Day Four of the Great Inclement Weather Sit In. Seriously, it's getting all Donner Party up in here. Today, more snow is on the way, but I am OUT OF FOOD. I think I have one piece of flat out bread left and some olive oil and spices (plus the usual condiments), so I have got to venture out today. Probably on foot to pick up a few things. And seriously, I live on top of about six restaurants, one of which I'm having dinner at tonight. I won't starve starve. I'm just trying to steer clear of restaurants, as I have several meals away scheduled.

Work is canceled today because of a busted pipe and flooding in the computer/phone center. This is NOT GOOD. Looks like the disaster recovery plan may be tested to it's limits.

So tonight is dinner with Barbie. I'm thinking that I won't be doing any cycling with Kathy tomorrow. Exercise on Saturday will be a quick trip on the trainer I think, and then I'll head up to Bick's. He was coming here to stay on Friday night, but he's decided to head home after work tonight with a 5 gallon bucket of toilet-flushing water so that he can get an early start on leak-fixing Saturday morning. I'll get my exercise out of the way and head up there - I can at least be the Home-Depot runner. He said he was going to take a shot at fixing it himself, if unsuccessful, then call in a plumber. If he gets water by Saturday evening, then we are going over to Aloysius', as he and Sandy are fixing birthday dinner for Bick. So sweet, that is.

Then on Sunday, I am taking Big Al, Sandy, Pebbles, Slater, Bick and myself to the Conoco gas station for some oxtail. This is the closest thing I could get to throwing Bick a 50th bday party.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Forgive yourself.



  1. A day of Agreement - and wonder....
    It's like I wrote these very words...
    Except I am waiting for them to happen to me.
    Except the starve starve. That's funny.
    Oh, and Ox Tail.
    Other than that, we are sure twins today!
    Stay warm!

  2. Sounds like lots of fun stuff. Good luck to Bick and DIY fix.

    Enjoy the Ox Tail!

  3. I get your point about the temperature difference trying to be compensated for. Guess I was also thrown a bit as we tend to use more gas & oil for home heating rather than electric. I think homes up here also have basements where I hear that is not the case in Texas, quite often due to the nature of the subsoil - like the bedrock isn't all that deep.

    Aaaanyhow - looks like the weather gods will be bringing some relief to your area soon. Hope you all get a change to thaw out.

    You also have a marvelous opportunity in meeting up with your long time friend. That ought to be a great time!

  4. What a winter this is! I went out for food yesterday but it was just cold here, the snow was over and no ice.

  5. I cannot believe you are having oxtail when they have Better than Sex Chicken on the menu! Which makes me want to bust in on your party just to try it.

    Hope your cabin fever is cured by what sounds like a fun weekend even if it is filled with DIY plumbing.

  6. Quite a weekend planned - and after this week, I bet you are itching to get out! Hope the dinner with your friend goes well. It's interesting to catch up with someone who knows your history so well - I find that there's a rare form of openness with someone like that.

  7. Will the weather drama never end?

    Hope your meeting with your friend goes well and she is able to stay in recovery. Friendships that bring us back to our past selves can be so wonderful...or painful...

  8. I love FB. I hate FB. For these exact reasons. I am having the same issue right now with an old friend who has seen me through some pretty rough times. We were inseparable for years and then - something happened that stopped everything. Very ugly situation that is sometimes hard to push past. I hope your night out leaves you feeling refreshed and happy. I'm still on the fence but need to get off pretty soon here, or another 2 years will go by.

  9. I hear you about revisiting the past. I actually did it last weekend in Boston and I am glad I did.
    Now, I am thinking about your food situation, the flat bread and condiments. My husband has been known to eat a ketchup sandwich (gag). I gather a soup of condiments could work. Or, a dip with the flat bread.
    Leave it to a foodie to MAKE SOMETHING WORK!!
    (my word verification is "courn", if you had some "courn" you could throw it in the condiment soup...)

  10. I'm also on Snow Day 4. My problem was the opposite of yours though - my house was stocked with too much food. I have been fighting the Nibbler for days now. Kim

  11. It can be strange to run into people who knew you at a time in your life when you weren't the person you wished to be. Have fun.


We'll try this for a while.