Monday, February 14, 2011

My Secret Valentine

It’s Valentine’s Day and many our thoughts turn to relationships - the ones we have or the ones we want. Hearts and candy and flowers and Hallmark cards abound. In honor of the month of Love, I have dedicated February to writing love letters to me for the entire month. Each day. Just a sentence or two, but with salutation and closing. My relationship to me is the most important relationship in my life. How I think about myself, to what level of esteem do I hold myself - that is the basic question. And no amount of relationships, candy or flowers can heal that. It’s an inside job and it’s up to me to do it. Without that core foundation being solid, everything else is just a patch job.

I’ve all heard it said a thousand times before - I must love myself first. And I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the love part down 100% all the time , but I’m working hard on the self-acceptance/self-esteem part . And I feel I’m getting it. Slowly, surely. Somehow I thought it was sort of magically happen. Turns out, this, too, is a practice. Learning to make decisions that are in my own best interest. Living for myself, not in a selfish way, but in a self-nourishing way. Putting myself first. Asking for what I want. Speaking my own love language.

Languages of love - My love language need is words of affirmation. “I love you’s” are nice and important, but I NEED to know the reason behind them. I want to hear specifics - I need to hear specifics. So for the month of February, I’ve been writing myself a love letter each and every day, using specific words of affirmation. I am actively exposing my old habit of negative self-thought to logic and replacing it with the affirmations of the positives in me. It’s not an exercise in ego, but an exercise to increase. A practice. A learning.

I work better on increasing the positives rather than decreasing the negatives, if that makes sense. If I can frame something in a positive, rather than punitive way, I get less rebellious, I feel better and more successful. I respond better to positive actions rather than avoiding negatives. It keeps my headspace more positive. That’s a lot of positives, but that’s how I want my life to be.

Write/create yourself a Valentine today. Get out the scissors and some paper, the crayons and some stickers. Glitter is always good.

What would you tell yourself about yourself? What's your love language? Is it affirmations? Service? Gifts? Quality time? Physical touch?

Happy Valentine's Day

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. It starts with me.



  1. I adore this.
    I think Im more touch?
    While I love words to me when it comes to love they are more fluff than substance.

    oh and that I mull.

    Ive been known to approach the husband and say: TELL ME IM (YADA YADA YADA)

    and after he does---Im happy.

    perhaps my love speaks all languages but most important for me is that I know that it needs to come from MY CORE first---before any other person's love or lovetokens can make a difference.

    (sorry for the ramble :))

  2. Happy Valentines Day to you too! Thanks for a lively thought provoking post as always. Your blog makes me smile and some days laugh right out loud.

  3. Awesome insights.... as "you-usal!"
    Happy Valentine's Day!

  4. I just read the love languages book! A reader recommended it to me ages ago. It was very enlightening as I thought about my husband and me, but I never thought to apply it to myself.

  5. Loving myself has always been my most difficult task. But I'd like to because I know it would result in me being a better 'lover' to others. I'm not sure what I need. Sometimes I think I need to much and it overwhelms to the point where I end up with nothing. Something to think about for sure. Hope your day is a special as you are Roxie!

  6. I think this one of my favorite posts of all time! Love in all its languages is infinite and it only never diminishes. No matter how we express it or to whom.

    It's been harder for me lately to express my love but I know it will get easier if I just do it. Love to you and and to me.

  7. Beautiful post Roxie. It's very difficult, if not impossible, to truly love others without loving ourselves.

    Thank you for the reminder about self affirmations. How quickly we forget.

  8. My senior year in high school, I took a "Values" class (hey, it was California, late 70s/early 80s) and we learned the acronym ILIAC - "I am lovable and capable" - and sometimes, I still repeat that to helps! Hope you have a happy V-Day, my friend.

  9. As always, Roxie, you are an inspiration to me. I love this idea. Thanks for being you.

  10. Words of Affirmation is my love language too. I am going to try writing a love note to myself every day too!

    As always, thanks for the brilliant ideas and sharing your journey.

  11. Yes, that was beautiful, really beautiful. I hope you gave yourself a great V day.

  12. This was a really moving post, beautifully written. It's a great reminder that we all need to invest some time, energy and attention into our relationship with ourselves (usually the one we put at the end, always behind everyone else).

    I can't offer you much, but at least I can give you some fodder for your love letters. In Dutch, 'I love you' and 'you are a wonderful person' are 'ik houd van je' and 'je bent een geweldig persoon'.


We'll try this for a while.