Monday, February 14, 2011
My Secret Valentine
It’s Valentine’s Day and many our thoughts turn to relationships - the ones we have or the ones we want. Hearts and candy and flowers and Hallmark cards abound. In honor of the month of Love, I have dedicated February to writing love letters to me for the entire month. Each day. Just a sentence or two, but with salutation and closing. My relationship to me is the most important relationship in my life. How I think about myself, to what level of esteem do I hold myself - that is the basic question. And no amount of relationships, candy or flowers can heal that. It’s an inside job and it’s up to me to do it. Without that core foundation being solid, everything else is just a patch job.
I’ve all heard it said a thousand times before - I must love myself first. And I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the love part down 100% all the time , but I’m working hard on the self-acceptance/self-esteem part . And I feel I’m getting it. Slowly, surely. Somehow I thought it was sort of magically happen. Turns out, this, too, is a practice. Learning to make decisions that are in my own best interest. Living for myself, not in a selfish way, but in a self-nourishing way. Putting myself first. Asking for what I want. Speaking my own love language.
Languages of love - My love language need is words of affirmation. “I love you’s” are nice and important, but I NEED to know the reason behind them. I want to hear specifics - I need to hear specifics. So for the month of February, I’ve been writing myself a love letter each and every day, using specific words of affirmation. I am actively exposing my old habit of negative self-thought to logic and replacing it with the affirmations of the positives in me. It’s not an exercise in ego, but an exercise to increase. A practice. A learning.
I work better on increasing the positives rather than decreasing the negatives, if that makes sense. If I can frame something in a positive, rather than punitive way, I get less rebellious, I feel better and more successful. I respond better to positive actions rather than avoiding negatives. It keeps my headspace more positive. That’s a lot of positives, but that’s how I want my life to be.
Write/create yourself a Valentine today. Get out the scissors and some paper, the crayons and some stickers. Glitter is always good.
What would you tell yourself about yourself? What's your love language? Is it affirmations? Service? Gifts? Quality time? Physical touch?
Happy Valentine's Day
Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. It starts with me.